Thursday, September 20, 2012

The power of science

We live in the future.

Today I bought a device. The device is roughly cylindrical and housed in a small metal body, painted mostly blue with some silvery metal left unpainted. The device utilizes properties of the fundamental pixellization of the universe, as well as the wave-particle duality of all matter, theories so bizarre and baffling that even Einstein despaired of understanding them.

image shamelessly stolen from Wikipedia
Those little green dots? Electrons, a particle which is (as far as we currently know) an absolutely fundamental part of the universe. The manufacturer of my device used advanced engineering techniques to launch photons, the force carrier at the heart of such things as magnetism, electricity, light, and the solidness of objects, at electrons at the fastest speed possible to things in this universe. By launching said photon just right, the hyper-advanced quantum mechanical machinery of the device creates more light, but also creates that additional light in the exact same direction, energy and polarity as the previous photon, leading to a cascade of interactions on the smallest scales of the universe.

This device for generating beams of wave-particles cost me the equivalent of fifteen minutes of my time analyzing data at the office. Who am I to have such an advanced device, which I would be incapable of creating on my own under any conditions, aside perhaps only immortality, and for so small a portion of my total personal wealth? I am not a king, nor a king's son, nor an advanced scientist, or even a normal scientist, nor am I a successful businessman or a wealthy heir. I am nobody, I am, in a sense, everybody. I am the beneficiary of both the incredible wealth of incredible knowledge which permeates our society to such an extent that the purchase of a laser pointer scarcely generates comment.

To what purpose am I employing this device, which contains such unimaginable power, created by such advanced manufacturing, and purchased at so little cost? I am pointing around the room for the amusement of my co-blogger.

Seriously, though. This laser drives Charlemagne absolutely nuts. Her psychotic homicidal impulses, untethered on the best of days, goes into manic overdrive in the presence of a laser dot. I have discovered that I must take care where I point it or she will run so hard that she will slam bodily into the wall, not a good thing when her surgical scars are still visible.

I also got her a mechanical mouse, a contraption devised of wheels and gears housed in a casing of hardened fossilized hydrocarbons hundreds of millions of years old and operated by means of cylinders containing an acid solution capable of storing the power of lightning for years on end. When activated it rolls around in circles, makes a faint buzzing noise from the friction of the gears, and terrifies Charlemagne to no end. $15.00 and a lesson learned, another victory for quantum era technology over plastic powered clockwork.

But holy shit, we live in the future.

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