Monday, September 17, 2012

What is going on here?

Just saw this banner ad for Pizza Hut on the internets:
The first thing I noticed was that this seems like a fantastic idea for a family situation, or perhaps a fraternity-like atmosphere where everybody knows what everybody likes gets. Otherwise can you imagine trying to negotiate the particular flavors of what looks like four separate parts? Absolute madness. So I am in favor of this product for this eminently reasonable price.

Leaving that aside, the Big Dinner Box seems like it might be a little too much for our everyman stand-in in the grey hoodie. Not only is he alone, meaning that Pizza Hut believes the Big Dinner Box to be an appropriate size for a single serving, but he also already has at least one slice of pizza (note the piece in his hand does not correspond to a hole anywhere in the Big Dinner Box in front of him), and since it is absurd to think that a person at home would bake a single slice of pizza, especially when he is expecting a Big Dinner Box, we must necessarily assume that he either has another whole pizza somewhere out of the picture, or he is just finishing another pizza before getting started on the Big Dinner Box. Pizza Hut apparently believes that their products are best consumed by insatiable gluttons and endorse the notion that pizzas should be chain-eaten in the way that cigarettes are chain-smoked. Utter madness.

Then we get to our everyman. Who is he, our soon to be diabetic pictorial interlocutor, supposed to be? Frequently the person in an ad is supposed to be a stand-in for the viewer, but really, is this the glamorous lifestyle of the Pizza Hut consumer to which we should aspire? Alone in a dark room consuming to excess and engaged with what is probably a television or other glowing mind-nullification box. Beer ads show attractive people having various sorts of good times, meant to indicate that you, too can be an attractive person having a good time if you drink this beer. In this regard, Pizza Hut is telling me that I, too, can be alone in the dark with nothing but calories to sustain me and the caffeine content of a two-liter Pepsi product to keep me from the death-like embrace of sleep. A consumer of the Big Dinner Box, goes the narrative of this ad, is empty where it counts and full where it only serves to translate the ugliness of your personality into the ugliness of your corpulent, bloated flesh.

Taking the other popular interpretation, that the attractive party-goers in the beer ad are not stand-ins for you, but rather implied promises that they will approve of you and be your friend and sleep with you, what can we make of this guy. Well, the first thing that we notice is that he looks like a douche cake. I don't want to be friends with him, not even if he is paying for a giant box of pizza, not that it matters with him because he is such a fatty that it will probably eat it all anyway. Perhaps the image I pasted is too small/low quality for you to be able to tell here, but it is clear that every single element of this photo was photoshopped together. Our protagonist, Douchebag McGee, is such a terrible person that every single element of this photo refused to be photographed with him. Even the slice in his hand is photoshopped into an otherwise idle extremity and if you look closely you can see that he is not sitting on the couch which appears behind him but rather somewhere below it. The people who know him best-- those who interacted with him for the five minutes required to take his chunk of the photo-- cannot stand him, and yet Pizza Hut wants me to squeeze myself into the tiny space to his left on the red couch. Well, no, thank you, Pizza Hut. That guy can just crawl back into his darkened hole and shove food into even darker holes until he dies of Too Much Pizza like the douchebag that he is.

The pizza looks pretty good, though.

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