Friday, October 26, 2012

That is quite enough of that!

I wake up in the morning and the headlines are about the election. I go to work and spend all day helping politicians get elected. I go home in the evening and the news is about the election. Then I play with my kittens and feel better.

But kittens are not enough! I am absolutely sick to death of the whole "elections" nonsense. It is high time we wrote back to Queen Elizabeth and explained to her that the whole "Declaration of Independence" nonsense was an elaborate gag that got way out of hand. She seems like a reasonable sort, so I suspect if we ask really nicely she will come back and we will not have to worry about elections for the rest of her life. Even after she passes (long live the queen), hereditary monarchy has the added benefit of automatically selecting the next ruler for life.

And you really don't get much more reasonable than the English monarchy. Sure the whole taxation without representation is a little unfortunate, but I rather suspect that if we hadn't made such a fuss over it the tea tax would have gone away in due time. Or maybe not, but that isn't the point.

The point is that everything would be so much easier with a queen (or king) instead of a bothersome trio of president, congress, and courts. After 9/11, Her Majesty could just have said, "off with his head" and Bin Laden would have been executed, instead of the decade long mess we found ourselves in. And, of course, you can't have a presidential kill list if you don't have a president, so that solves a problem right there!

Now, I understand if Queen Elizabeth is too busy to take on new responsibilities. At her age, she certainly deserves time for herself to do whatever it is she enjoys (probably lots of snogging with her hottie boy-toy). But if there is one thing the world does not lack, it is monarchs. Certainly, this hemisphere has had a definite lack of absolute hereditary autocrats since the passing of Emperor Norton, but Europe is absolutely littered with royalty, some of whom are even respectable.

For the sake of history, I hear the Greek King isn't doing much nowadays, though of course with the current situation being what it is, that could change. Still, a king named Constantine would definitely add some heft to the notions of the American Empire as a Fourth Rome, and being a borrowed dynasty in the first place he should have no problems taking up a new residence.

The Dutch, of course, were practicing the sort of mercantile melting-pot America prides itself on before the pilgrims even set foot on Plymouth Rock. Both Queen Beatrix and her son look like such nice people that I can't imagine anything going wrong. Prince W-A is active in water management issues, a sorely under appreciated and critically important issue in a country as full of deserts, farms, and arid high plains as America.

If we wanted to get really creative, I would bet we could get Emperor Akihito to come around. Not only would this cement a crucial Trans-Pacific alliance, an emperor beats out a mere king any day. They say Asia is the rising power nowadays, so he might be a particularly inspired choice of monarch. Added bonus, the daughter of the crown prince is named Akio, "written with kanji character for "love (愛)" and "child (子)"" making it a magnificent inter-linguistic pun.

The point is that I am absolutely sick of this election nonsense, and with so many sensible monarchs running around nowadays with far too little to do it is absolutely criminal that we haven't picked one up for ourselves.

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