Friday, November 23, 2012


As an atheist I am rather hazy about who I am supposed to be thanking. Certainly there are certain good things in life that I can attribute to the deliberate action of a particular individual, but even then it would often be a bit awkward even with the intervention of the holiday.

Imagine if I went up to my boss at the real job and spontaneously thanked him for allowing me to work there. This may end well, but it would still be awkward, and it would be vastly more awkward than thanking a bronze age sky patriarch who had no discernible effect on my hiring.

Thanks should be given in response to a direct positive happening immediate as or after the happening happens. When I purchase a sandwich at Subway, I thank them for the sandwich and they thank me for my money (hooray capitalism). When the boss hands out paychecks, I give thanks, and when I work late on a project he says thanks (he is a pretty nice guy). Perhaps in the context of a long term relationship where a little bit of good is done every day which accumulates imperceptible arbitrary thanking may be appropriate, but I am a lonely miserable person who has no time for that lovey-dovey shit.

I do, however, like the tradition of taking time once a year (and never again) to appreciate the world and all the good things in life. Obviously there is no bearded man in the sky (all the astronauts were clean shaven) who had anything at all to do with good things, so instead of thanking anyone, I will take this opportunity to simply be glad.

Gladgiving, gladbeing. and glad day are all stupid, so I will allow the official name to remain thanksgiving for historical reasons.

  1. I am glad I am alive, because overall my life has contained more good things than bad.
  2. I am glad for every day, because every day is more good than bad.
  3. I am glad to be American, because there aren't too many other places where I could enjoy this much wealth for this little effort.
  4. I am glad that I am a straight, white, generally healthy male, because it makes everything so much easier.
  5. I am glad that I am alive now, because every historical point before now (broadly defined) was poorer and more miserable than now. Future points may be improvements on today, but that option was not presented to me, and who knows the future anyway.
  6. I am glad that my kittens are well behaved, because I don't like cleaning and would get frustrated if they peed on the carpet.
  7. I am glad almost no one reads this blog, because if it was a big deal I would start to feel all obligated and shit and it wouldn't be as fun anymore.
  8. I am glad for a bunch of other things, but I can't think of them
  9. Lists should go to ten.
  10. Lists should go to ten.

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