Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Used to Run

I used to run to get to places. I never understood why people would walk, because it was so much slower. Maybe if they were, like, carrying something or otherwise trying to be careful you could walk, but the worst thing in the world was how the hallways at school were so wide and empty and people would get mad at you for running down them. Not only is it efficient, it is loads of fun. Eventually you get tired, but until then it is like flying, except on the ground. Sprinting all out until exhaustion is basically magic.

I am also asthmatic. I don't like to complain about it because the fact is that I know what my triggers are and there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse than me. I have it so well controlled that I haven't bought an inhaler since I was in college. But because of that, I can't run very far, maybe a quarter of a mile on a good day.

I don't know when it happened, but at some point the following thought occured to me: I can't stop running when there are cars that can see me, because they will think I am a wuss for stopping running.Which soon morphed into don't run anywhere that someone could see you get tired and stop running. In college I wore a jacket everywhere with pockets full to bursting of all the stuff I wish I had a purse to carry, and running with the jacket on just seemed awkward as it would flap everywhere and things would fall out unless I had my hands in my pockets. Which is pretty much everywhere, since I hate purposeless walking/running and always have to have some sort of destination. This means I don't run much anymore. I don't run because I am worried about what people think of me.

This is bullshit and it has taken me too long to recognize it. Quitting time is in thirty minutes, and I will be running for as long as I feel like running, then I will walk the rest of the way home. If someone sees me still wheezing and out of breath after half a mile of walking, fuck them. The good things are things we do for ourselves. The bad things are the things we do for appearances.

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